I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drunk is not a location!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
