He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize