his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
