I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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