she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
