Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
