Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
