Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
