her vagine was all disorganized.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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