see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
