You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
