i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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