Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
