if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So vagazzling was a success
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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