so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
