I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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