it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
