I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
