I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
