I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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