"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
id be glad to
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
