I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
