I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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