I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
