This is not my ceiling
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
