why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize