she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
