Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
