Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize