It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
