My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
