Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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