last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
