The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
