Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
