when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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