last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
