I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Boobs speak an international language.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
