I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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