I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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