The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
