How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
