i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
