her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
