Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
