I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
