No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize