You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
