im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize