he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
