So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
