Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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