if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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