You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize