oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
