Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize