If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the condom got lost in my hair
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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