my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
