I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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