I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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