her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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