Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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