he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
