she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
