anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
