I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
